The first time I swear it was easier to ignore. I mean, it's not like I come up to Jim's quarters at all hours in the night for no reason, but he'd missed his appointment. Hell knows why I bother making those with him anymore, but all the same he'd forgotten.

Now I'm not saying that I didn't suspect something when there was a tie on his doorknob (seeing as the kid had insisted that his door have a knob -yeah yeah, damn hilarious), and where the hell he got a tie either I've got no idea. But the fact that there were thumps, and the fact that it was definitely 'Spock' I heard through what was supposed to be soundproof walls -I'd say that that was enough evidence against the pointy eared bastard for one day anyway. Because Kirk's had his share of one night stands, (and so has the hobgoblin, but I'm not getting into that unless you hand me a bottle for the sick aftertaste I get outta remembrance) but this was just something else.


I swore I was gonna get to him, I did, but it turns out the kid's damn good at avoiding those he doesn't want to come into contact with. I blame point ears, because there's no way he'd be avoiding me without good reason. And he's skipped appointments before, so I know that's just not it. It's Spock. So, cut out and dried on a platter? The dick'd been doing something to Jim that he didn't want me knowing about.
Yeah, I know that doesn't explain why Jim avoided me like the plague (and you can' even catch that these days) but he did.

The second time? Not so easy to ignore.
I swear there was some sort of heat radiating from the dick's room. No, don't be a smartass, not the Vulcan 'few degrees higher,' more like the radiation-type heat, you see? And they were communicating like Calamarains in there (maybe a few octaves lower). The worst part though? I need to, goddammit Jim, you owe me a bottle, I need to scrub my ears out.
...At one point I heard distinctly, "Oh, oh fuck Spock, Oh fuck Spock if you don't kiss me," and for God's sake I swear that's something you never ever want to hear from your best friend's mouth. Especially when you have to sit with him in a meeting the next day and act professional. On that note, just let me as you: How professional is it, exactly, skipping out on meetings and appointments with your best friend to fuck some green blooded's brain out? Or rather, have your own brains fucked into the wall?

I'll answer that for you; Not at all.

The ruddy Captain of a kid didn’t even stick around after the meeting, coward.

The third time was worse than the rest. You know how? Because this time I couldn't ignore a damn thing. I was walking to the observation deck during my rest period (my rest period) and they were just sitting there. And ducks ass, I know more than I need to about Vulcan biology so when they started doing that finger thing (I'm sure everyone knows enough about how Vulcans kiss), when Kirk shifted his leg up and over and sat on that -on Spock's lap and the bowl cut moaned. Let's just say it took all my willpower (and the last couple of hypos had probably helped too) to not shout out "Goddammit Jim, I'm a doctor not a voyeur!"
As it was, I settled for yelling, “Keep it in your room!”

And I tell you, that’s when ‘shit went down,’ or whatever it is people call it these days. Long story short;

Spock growled, ran his hand under Jim’s shirt and bit his neck, Jim whimpered and (yeah, I know, he really did let out a damn whimper) ..and that’s how I found out that the brown eyed jackass wasn’t wearing any underwear because Jim all but shouted ‘Harder.’

Fuck me blind, nobody ever wants to hear that coming out of – goddammit.

-

The day James Kirk finally did show up for his appointment (and If I was a freak like the Vulcan, I might have calculated it to a week and 3 days, 4 hours late, but I’m not) I almost had a parade. If it weren’t for the teethed bruises barely covered by his collar and the fact that he was walking funny, I might have let him go, but he couldn’t really escape the fact that, although for the last week we’d been docked and practically on shore leave, he’d been completely out of action.

So I asked him, I said ‘Where the Hell have you been?”

The damn kid just looked at me and smirked like something was funny, shifting uncomfortably in his pants. I got the feeling that I’d been missing something big and to be honest, it pissed me off a little. It wasn’t till he said, “Pon farr?” and all but ran outta the room that I realized I’d shouted, “You sonofabitch!” and a hypo was already in my hand. Pays to have quick reflexes, see.

I caught up to him as he slid into Spock’s room, although by now, that shouldn’t have surprised me but I glared anyway. The slimy bastard had his hands all over Kirk, and I might have been a little red in the face when I asked if he needed assistance with a pointed look at the boy, but his “Negative,” all but shut me out.

At least I knew they had to come to me for their check-ups, but for God’s sake, I’m a Doctor, and I might just need a psychologist.